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August 2023 - Defibrillator Implant

August 7, 2023 - Ok y'all, they are planning on giving me an ICD, implantable cardioverter defibrillator. He explained it to me with an analogy of car insurance. If you're driving normal, you don't use your car insurance. If something bad happens and you get into an accident, your car insurance kicks in. Basically, this is insurance for my heart.

An ICD will not make my heart stronger. It is a preventable measure to try to save my life since I'm now high risk for a cardiac arrest (weak hearts tend to stop I guess ). So, I must continue medication therapy.

I've not been graceful about my diagnosis or current condition. I say that anything I've ever let go of has claw marks and I am not ready to loosen my grip on the life I used to have. This vacation I just had proved that I do have limitations but I'm not ready to concede. Period.

I have cried a lot today faced with this harsh reality once again. I want to just wake up and be the way I was before all of this. If only that were a possibility. Regardless, I'm a fighter and reality be what it may, I'll get over it at some point. No guarantees I won't kick, scream, and cry on the way there though.

August 16, 2023 --- Defibrillator surgery is scheduled for August 29th. I'm a little nervous just given the nature of the surgery. I keep reminding myself that they do these all the time. It's even technically considered outpatient if you can believe that.

I will stay overnight for monitoring and an x-ray the next day before they will release me. And then my healing journey can begin. I'll have to be seen in the first week or so to check the wound and then see where we go from there.

Medication is my only constant right now. I have 4 heart meds that have remained unchanged for several months. My future is bright though I tell ya. This too shall pass. I've already made up my mind.

Love you guys

August 29, 2023 --- I made it! I am in a lot of pain but I'm here. In the hospital and need rest.

August 30, 2023 --- I'm home now, trying to rest. Let's just say I'm very uncomfortable. I have a great support system and an finding myself truly grateful and at peace. Let's get this healing journey on the road!! New life is loading y'all...

August 31, 2023 --- Don't worry about me. I have a nurse...

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My body has boundaries and I'm not a fan. Ugh.

I had to wait to post this until I was able to remove myself from the emotions. What a rough few days. I've shed a lot of tears over this. Unfortunately, it's not the first time nor do I think it will


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