So if you've been keeping up with my blogs you would know that my husband and I didn't see eye to eye this past weekend. We were able to have a conversation about the events that transpired on Monday evening. The air was cleared and we will move on from here.
Tuesday morning, I received a text from a friend asking if someone we knew had lost her husband. My immediate reaction was shock and I'm sure I said, "What the hell is she talking about?" The sad reality was the news was true. Someone we know had lost her husband unexpectedly the night before.
In an instant her life was changed. In an instant, so was ours in hearing the news. Lives were impacted much like a ripple effect from those close to them to those distant but still within the circle if you will. Death has a way of forcing you to review your priorities in life and think about the unthinkable; moving on without someone you love.
You've heard it before. You think you have time. We all think we have time. We think there's always tomorrow or next week, month, or even next year. We cancel plans, make excuses, don't text back, and ignore phone calls. Too often we are left with guilt when someone passes because of those things I just listed.
The fight with my husband this weekend was bad, especially since we rarely fight. I felt I had every right to feel the way I did and since I was so angry and had nothing positive to say, I didn't speak to him until Monday. Had I been the one receiving the news that he passed, I'm sure I would be inconsolable based on unfinished business I thought we had.
Survivor's guilt is all consuming. The "should of", "could of", "would of" talk will drive you crazy. It's impossible to not have some kind of guilt when a loved one dies. We also don't get to bypass the cycle of grief. We can't choose to just skip it and be OK. We can be at peace with someone's passing, sure, but I believe that whether you knew it was coming or not, grief is still a process one must go through. The unexpected nature of someone's passing seems to carry a bigger burden for those left behind.
A friend said to me that with what I do I see this all the time but why does this happen? Why do people die when they had a young family, plans and things they wanted to accomplish, and a full life to live? My answer is likely different than most. I believe that we all come to this earth with a plan. The plan is explicitly detailed, right down to people you see in passing at the grocery store, yet allows for free will. It's an intricate art that plays out with all the other souls here. You have a specific block of time that you are allotted and when that time runs out, the soul must leave and return home.
While I am a psychic medium, I definitely don't know everything. People think it's funny to say, "since you're psychic you should know..." (insert lottery numbers, when someone was going to win an award, when someone was going to die, etc. here). That's not really how it works. I don't always know when things are going to happen and thank God for that! Could you imagine what my life would be like if I was privy to that kind of information? Yikes!
Yes, sometimes I know things the average person doesn't. Yes, I can communicate with souls who no longer walk this earth. Do I know winning lottery numbers or when certain things will happen? No. What I do know is you should live without regret. Make choices that you can live at peace with. Tell your kids/family/pets you love them so you don't have to deal with extreme guilt should any one of them leave this world. Make your love for everyone so well known that there's no way it would be questioned when it is too late to say it or show it.
Grief is a journey and a very personal one. We can't take away someone's pain and sorrow but we can support them. We can let them know we're here for them if they need a shoulder to cry on. We can show up for them, pick up the slack for them, or make a meal for them. We can be the unbiased friend that listens to them. They may not be ready to talk and that's OK too. Be their silent cheerleader and wish them peace during this difficult time.