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Fear of Change

Change is one of the biggest things that people fear. Humans are comfort and security seeking beings and anything that pushes us outside of our comfort zone is viewed as a threat by our brain. It's understandable then why most people would resist change.

Going through a food addiction battle and having been doing it now for 3 1/2 months, you'd think it would be easy to just say no or not overeat. That is not reality. Yesterday, I ate my feelings and man do I feel like physical crap! When you're going through a change, cycling back and forth between inspiration and resistance is all too common. I fell victim to the cycle yesterday. That will just continue to happen until I break it.

Let's talk about those cycles. The first stage is growing increasingly unhappy and discontent with an area of your life. You may find yourself tolerating or ignoring the circumstance because of the familiarity and your fear of change. But then guess what happens? You hit stage two which is your breaking point. That unhappiness just becomes too much to bare and you just can't take it anymore. Maybe you're just exhausted by the entire situation or maybe something happens that triggers your breaking point. That's when the decision is made which is the third stage of the cycle.

So you've decided that you're going to be mindful of your health as in my case. I grew exhausted of tight fitting clothes and migraines and acid reflux, etc. So I started a keto way of eating but didn't realize that I needed to watch my calories. (There's a lot of false advice in regards to keto by the way). With the help of someone with experience, I started following a menu. This allowed me to feel a short lived sense of hope as the weight started coming off quickly and I was feeling so much better.

Fear is the fourth step in the cycle. For some, it happens immediately. For me, it wasn't immediate but I have definitely cycled through the steps twice in the past 3 1/2 months. The first time was when I went and bought snack sized pies at the grocery store and ate them in my car before I even got home. Yesterday was definitely the second time. While it sucks, it is my truth and I own it. I ended up doubting my decision, both options being bleak and I succumbed to what was my way of eating and stuffing emotions for many years.

The fifth stage is amnesia. The fear of change is strong enough that makes the original situation that you're trying to get away from (being overweight and unhealthy) actually look better than I had originally thought. My perception was skewed and I perceived the old me as less anxiety producing than the change itself. Say what now? Is that actually a thing? Enter that feeling of comfortable and familiar. I was used to it. And in my case, it had become part of my identity so of course I would resist letting it go. Gah, what a realization!

Backtracking is stage six. Most people go back to the item/thing that they originally wanted to change. Ultimately, they will essentially talk themselves out of changing and holy shit have I done that a gazillion times!! And guess what happens? You will inevitably find yourself unhappy all over again. Another breaking point will come, likely more extreme and painful than the last. This cycle continues until one of two things takes place.

The first thing that could happen is an extreme level of pain that forces the change and pushes you through the cycle. These are big life changes like loss of a loved one, financial losses, or a complete nervous breakdown. Your higher self knows what you really want and is spending countless hours trying to lead you to it. This is why it keeps coming up. Resisting change is futile.

Self honesty is the second thing that could happen as in my case. It's the side of you that recognizes there's a part of you that doesn't actually want to change. I was comfortable being overweight as I had been since the age of 5. It was all I knew. My fear always held me back. I didn't love myself enough to want better for myself (self limiting belief system). And the reality is there was some sort of benefit for me staying stuck where I was and it was just keeping me in the cycle of not believing in myself. I was unhappy because there was a big part of me that wanted to be. Again, lack of self love, self compassion, and self nurturing were huge for me. My pain was my story for more years than I'd like to count.

It's only after getting real and humbling myself was I able to see anything that was truly going on in regards to my fear of change. I recognized that one of my role models always portrayed herself as the victim and that also explains a lot. It's not entirely someone else's fault for the way I feel about myself, no. Understanding it played a role along with other factors though is an important part of my healing journey. I had to be ready to take responsibility for my own life and how I was living it.

The whole idea of not wanting change is eye opening to me. You have to want to change for yourself, not to appease others or because it's what you think you should do. You have to want it for yourself. And maybe you don't even know what you want, like me in regards to what is best for me and my family. If you're following my real talks, you know about my marital struggles. Choosing myself is difficult sometimes because I never really have put myself first and decided that my needs are important too. So trying to understand what I want, thinking about that and if it's even possible to have it has kind of stopped me dead in my tracks. Where I'm at now is to try to imagine what I want if time, money, and other people did not limit me. Then what I want becomes clear.

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