I recently watched a TikTok video by Mel Robbins (I absolutely love her by the way). She said, "If you don't like your life, do something about it. Answer the question, what do I want? If the best days of your life were back in college, it was probably because you were with friends a lot. It was probably because you were studying things and you were growing and learning as a person. And the best days of your life felt like a party because you were constantly expanding your awareness and experiencing new things. You can create that same thin, at any age. So stop whining and bitching about what was and what is right now and start high-fiving your way to creating what's next. Because again, you are responsible for your life."
Mind you, this was a recent finding but I had already asked myself that question. When my mom died and I returned to work after what felt like forever, I had a hard time remembering things as my brain was still overwhelmed. I cried thinking that I would never be the same again and how would I be able to do my job? I also remember telling someone that I would quit my job by the end of July whether I had another job or not. Of course, her response was that I was grieving and I shouldn't make rash decisions or decisions that I would look back on and regret which I think is a rational bit of advice. I will tell you that you also know yourself better than anyone else as did I in that very instant.
I wasn't sure that I could actually leave my job. I mean it had been my only stability for the past 21 years (just a month shy of 21 years but close enough) and the only thing I could truly count on. The thing I never counted on was myself. Little did I know I would experience such a life lesson and changes this year. And we all thought 2020 blew our minds, right? Instead of putting in my notice at the end of July, I actually went on vacation instead as of July 30th. I spent some time with a friend, my two oldest children, and a couple days at the ocean thinking about my life and trying to destress. I even interviewed for another job during that vacation.
I went back to work on August 9th and within 7 minutes of being there my heart rate was ridiculously high, something that had continued to get worse over the past year. I knew in that instant I couldn't do it anymore. I shocked myself, maybe even more than my employer, and I put in my resignation. I had no safety net; no other job lined up, only the hope that I would get the one I interviewed for, and I jumped anyway. I asked myself if I was happy with where I was at in life and my answer was no.
I didn't much like my life. There are parts of it I still don't but I always say that I am a work in progress and growth and change doesn't happen overnight. I hadn't been happy with my job for some time. Granted, there were parts of it that I absolutely loved and others that I couldn't stand. The problem was that the parts I couldn't stand seemed to grow bigger and bigger until they could no longer be ignored. So that morning I took a huge leap of faith and jumped with no parachute, trusting in the universe and myself for what would truly be the very first time in what felt like forever. "If you don't like your life, do something about it." That Monday I absolutely did do something about it.
I was scared, hell, sometimes I still am. Choosing yourself feels like walking a plank at times and this was one of those times. I had no plan but to trust which is something that has proven extremely difficult for me in life. The next day, I was offered a job from an old employer and I literally cried when I got the message. It was if the universe said, "See? All you have to do is trust." I took the job, didn't get the job I had hoped I would, and I trust that I'm right where I was and am meant to be.
The day I quit my job was the day I found a part of myself again. I found the warrior within me and the woman who lives in joy and love. I have found such peace and true happiness along with such a sense of freedom, all from that one change. I still find myself shocked that I am so happy with this change because for years of my life, I stayed in a place that offered me stability but in exchange for quite a bit of stress. While life is not stress free, it's definitely different and I feel free.
Some people will undoubtedly say I failed. But did I? Because I left employment of 21 years prior to retirement age with no safety net? Depends on how you look at it. If I had a "failing" mentality or a "losing" mentality, every failure would be further evidence of how I'm not good enough. If I had a winning mentality, every failure would be viewed as a valuable lesson that was needed for the next amazing adventure coming my way. I chose amazing adventure and I am grateful every day for my choice. You have a choice too. Remember that.