January 29, 2020

As a child, I was molested. As an adult, I was raped by a spouse. Last night, all sorts of shitty emotions in regards to my sexuality came flooding up. Feelings of helplessness and angst were at the front of my mind and at first I didn't recognize them as emotions. I can only imagine how odd that sounds but it's as if in an instant you are propelled into a time of shock and confusion and most of all disbelief.

This year has really just slapped me right in the face with all sorts of shit I clearly haven't dealt with. None of them are easy emotions to handle and it makes sense as to why I shove them down. This is proving to be no small task and I just have to hope that there is something big in store for me when I figure all this crap out. This topic deserves more of my time at some point as well. Sigh.