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Meditation: A Door to Relaxation

I meditate. I know, I can't believe it either! The first time I tried, many years ago, I felt like I was levitating which scared the hell out of me! I never tried it (seriously) again.  That was, until recently.

I signed up for a holistic program that really dives into healing and meditation is part of the protocol. The program is online so no one is forcing me to meditate and there is no one to check in with. It's entirely voluntary and up to me to log in and participate. Since I signed up, I would just assume take it seriously and follow the steps.

The meditations are guided meaning there are videos that guide you in and then talk you out. Within the first several days, you get the idea and no longer need the guided version and can set your clock and do it yourself.  That first day though, it was definitely appreciated to have someone talk me through it and explain what your brain does.  That way, when I started my to do list in my head I knew it was normal. 😊😊

It took me a couple attempts to truly get out of meditation what is expected: true relaxation. After so many years of keeping busy, it takes practice to silence the mind chatter. I honestly never thought I would be one to meditate on a regular basis. I thought it was some hokey new age garbage and served me no purpose.  Boy, was I wrong.

Listen, all you have to do is sit quietly for 20 minutes and tell yourself a mantra, like "ohm" or "ahum" over and over. That's it. Make sure you're comfortable (sitting up is best) and your low back is supported.  Set a timer and then just let your thoughts come in and leave and try not to analyze them.  Like I said, it took me more than one meditative session to turn off the mind chatter.  And when you find yourself having a conversation in your head, go back to focusing on the mantra.

I had one session where my thoughts wandered to an experience I had 1 1/2 years ago which was not a negative one, or so I thought.  Somewhere, I had tucked away a negative emotion (anger, sadness, anxiety, etc) as a reaction to that event. During the meditation, I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and cried for most of it.  I can tell you that after the crying I was filled with a sense of peace like I have rarely experienced before. It was a feeling of complete freedom and calm.  In short, it was amazing!

Not always does my brain process things out during meditation. Sometimes, those processes happen while I sleep. Just this week I had a dream about my first boyfriend who is happily married (last I knew) as am I. In the dream, one of my friends had asked if I was going to "hook up" with him as we had in the distant past.  I clearly remember saying that I would not as he was married and it was so different looking back on it with an adult mindset (as we were not adults when we "dated".)

Upon waking, I had an epiphany. Since my very first relationship, I had allowed men to choose me second.  I am still sitting with that emotion and will hopefully be able to process it soon at least a little bit.  That's a big revelation for me in my 40's to know that I never put myself first for all those years.  Why I couldn't see it before you ask? I simply say that I wasn't ready to experience my truth.

Being able to know your truth and accept it can be rather difficult.  You have to get past the anxiety, fear, embarrassment, and all the other emotions you may have tied up with it. It takes a brave soul to review a life of turmoil and figure out why things happened the way they did.  Then to accept those things/events as part of your truth is yet even more taxing.  However, the only way out is through and meditation has finally opened a door for me.

Does it seem hokey? Maybe. Is it hard to start? Maybe. Is it worth every minute you devote to it? Absolutely.  Give it a try.  What's the worst that could happen?  You spend 20 minutes sitting by yourself without social media, your kids, husband, or chaos of life?  Sounds like 20 minutes well spent no matter what!

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